Wednesday, October 14, 2009
confusion; you'll never know
i am confused.
i want to know what who's thinking.
AHH XIAOYUN I HATE YOU ><
WHY DID YOU GO BLOG ABOUT IT NOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS.
i'm really really missing the part Ds.
"really missing people who are gone disorder" i'll be the first listed under that :D
okay. okay. i must really calm down.
today we had house prac.
mass dance was, as per normal BORINGGG.
jal and shing and chewy were being their usual mopey selves (no offense).
and yuhua was her usual spastic self.
example: she was like hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! then waves madly at me. i swear she dragged the "i" sound. she looked downright spastic.
honestly, i'd rather do bunk inspection. although preferably i'd be doing drills with platoonmates and the rest of the company. even the part Ds who have ORDed already.
i totally dislike xiaoyun and phyllis cos they saw her and i didn't.
anyway to skip back to the mass dance thing.
you know i felt so horrible when we were walking past the mini amphi and covered walkway and netball courts to get to the gym. you have no idea how it felt.
i was thinking about our last training with the part Ds and ORD and our PTs. it was so totally lousy.
i dug my fingernails into my hands to stop myself from crying. i mean, i really wish they were back here, with us. it wouldn't matter if they wanted to or not, but i really wish we could do company drills one last time. and make it perfect.
i'll try my best to forget, to stop moping, but now's just too soon. i can't help it. i don't want to remember either. it's just too sad and brings out a lot of memories.
i know i'll never think of the mini amphi the same way again. it's just too sad to think about it. i really want to rewind time and tell myself i did the best i could, but i know i'm lying to myself. i'll try to forget but i know it won't work. i really don't know how i'll survive next year.
and then when we were walking to the amphi from the gym we walked past the netball courts.
the tape that was supposed to be vivian's right marker thing was still there. i can still remember when tiffany and jaslyn had this argument as to whether jaslyn should stand on the tape or behind the tape.
i guess i'll always remember those times, no matter how much i try to persuade myself otherwise.
not that the part Cs aren't nice, but they'll never replace the part Ds, rgsnccairbatch1. they're perfect, in that sense. they taught us all we needed to know.
i suppose i'll have to learn to live with it, but until then, there's nothing to stop me from feeling sad about it and thinking of the small little acts that we didn't appreciate at first, but not until it was too late to go back again. sure, we can always ask them out, or chat with them online, but we'll probably never get back together the same way again, or get the same feeling of pride when we perfect our drills under them.
i'll always remember them with mixed feelings, sometimes happy, funny, or sad.
next year i'll tell the part As that your first ORD really changes the way you feel about your PS and APS. until then, you'll never really know how much they actually matter to you. you'll wish you could rewind time and thank them ,and spend time with them happily. but it'll be gone before you get the chance.
i'll just remember what they told us and i'll remember it many years down the road "your platoonmates are the only ones who can really relate to you". it's true, you really have to treasure them.
whatever you do, dear platoonmates, next year, please don't quit ncc. we'll need you to be there. if anyone quits, i'll always look at the ncc pictures 09 and try to figure out what's missing, other than the part Ds. nobody else must go. we'll all miss you. we're already missing them, don't let us miss you too.
i really need to know what others are thinking. i feel like i'm on different wavelengths with people sometimes.
although, i have to admit, sometimes as platoonmates, we're telepathic :D
rgs ncc air batch 1-4!
Posted at 9:40 PM
