Saturday, July 31, 2010

Now drive me far away, away, away

I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be associated with you guys. I am annoyed at us.

Seriously, AB4, pull your socks up. Did you even think that maybe we're not doing as well as you guys want us to think and they're just trying to help people like you see that? I want to know what you're thinking. Correct that, I don't think I even want to know. I don't want to know what you guys are thinking. That is, everyone in general. Sometimes I think you guys really aren't taking things seriously. I really shouldn't be feeling like this, but sometimes I really don't want to be associated with you guys. I mean, ever since this year, I've felt more separated from the rest. I thought it was pretty obvious, so I tried to hide it. I could tell I was failing miserably. Couldn't you tell, at least? I don't want to say this out loud. Did you ever consider how we, the rest of us, felt? Did you for once stop and think that maybe what you think isn't what the rest of the platoon thinks? Did you for once do and clear up your own work? Your own initiatives? I'm not addressing this to anyone specifically but everytime we have platoon stuff this is just what runs through my head. I know maybe it seems that everyone's just looking down on us but maybe that's not true. If all this isn't going to change then I'm really going to brush my hands off this matter. If it's only a few people holding the string together then what's the point in having a platoon? If you guys think that your 'cliques' are very 'open' then I'm sorry to tell you that, as an 'individual', no, I don't think so. But honestly, can you tell us why you just had to do that?

I hope you don't feel offended saying this, but I think you guys are just acting idiotically. Platoon spirit =/= doing every single retarded thing together. I accept the fact that if we want to be a bonded platoon we have to be all together, but doing immature, foolish things together may not exactly be the best thing. Also, everytime I try to add in my part you shrug it off and say it doesn't matter. Only your input does. Well, I'm just trying to give my opinion. Fine, it's just an opinion. When you get into trouble because of it, though, you cause us all to fall. Did you ever think that maybe you're not the best person to do this? If you're going to be doing the same thing all the time, then I apologize for saying this but I'm ashamed and don't want to be associated with you. I don't want to be known as your platoonmate. I don't want to be called who-and-who-and-who-and-who-and-who et cetera's platoonmate. I'm just saying this, but I'm not proud of having known you guys at all. Just because you didn't want to do a good job at first, leaves us to try to help you change it. Then you won't let us. Then we get scolded because for a 'platoon effort', it's bad. Sue me if I'm just trying to make you see that maybe your opinion isn't majority. Or if it is, it may not be the best.

I think yesterday was bad. I wanted to just break down and scream and tell everyone that it's NOT ALRIGHT AND CAN'T THEY JUST SEE IT FROM OUR POINT OF VIEW. I felt so embarrassed for them. It's like, they don't even know. They don't even know how some of us feel. I would like to say that our platoon is amazingly close and everything. Operative words, 'would like to'. So it's like, smile! If they nothing to say, then pretend that there's nothing to say too! It's killing me inside. I've started to accept this since the start of this entire crap thing. Also, I just reread all my journals and diaries. I realized that I've known it would turn out this way a long time ago, only that I kept on denying it. I realized that so many little things have happened that showed me how all these things would end up. I feel disgusted at myself. I should have known better. Even after all we've been through together, we're still... separate. It's not that I expect everyone to be exactly the same, everyone to be exactly good friends with each other, but I think that an effort should at least be made. I don't think you guys are making that effort. If you guys are still thinking that after all our platoon has been through, which is a whole lot, and we're not bonded, it means that what you're trying to get us to do in order to be 'bonded' isn't working, obviously.

This is ridiculously stupid. You're just... taking us when you need us and when your 'friends' come along you just dump us. Well, I'd like you to know that friendship is a two way thing. I'm sorry that you don't realize that you do need to spend time in order to keep this relationship going. I know there're people you'd rather spend your time with. Can you at least tell me if you want to keep this friendship? If you don't, then I won't bother anymore. It's like, you just expect us to be there when you need us. We're secondary. Fine, have it that way. I don't really care much anymore. The thing is, you don't even treat us as secondary. We're invisible. You can just dismiss us with one sentence and call us back when you need us. When we need you, you ignore us. This is getting a little personal, so yeah.

I want to just lie down and wash my hands off all this and die. Sometimes I'm not glad that I'm alive. I want to be free.

Well, forgive me if this post comes off as really pissed off but that's just how I'm feeling now so live with it.

Labels: CCA

Posted at 10:28 PM

Friday, July 30, 2010

Live with your choices.

Posted at 9:49 PM

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Oh the stone's been cast

I just realized how true some stuff actually is. And like how much certain things, that are not currently in my life, actually apply to my life. Like random song lyrics. It makes so much sense that it's actually scary, in just a weird and extremely contradictory/screwed way. And it's not just song lyrics, it's random lines from random movies too and it just fits. It fits so perfectly, it's just uncanny. I guess that's why I'll never lead an exciting lifestyle. I want to give up and die. Somebody save me.

"Anyone who wants to goes through them, goes through me."

I just suddenly remembered that quote and I kind of finally see how much sense it actually makes.

Back to SIP, then.

On a side note, let's lighten things up a bit!
Captain Irrelevant -> Tamisha
Captain Oblivious -> Aaheli
Captain Sarcasm -> Louise
Captain Obvious -> Me.

Hey, it wasn't me who came up with that!

Posted at 10:36 PM

Saturday, July 17, 2010

And I'll pretend I don't feel something breaking

Yesterday was awesome. But I got grounded cos of it.

I love our ___ ________. The photo frames were the coolest man(: And also the fact that I did like, what, practically all of the cutting.

I'm grounded, and that really sucks cos I can't go to Mira's house tomorrow. I hope I'll be able to change my mother's mind. :/

I want to die.

Ohyes, I edited my blogskin! It's now Complicated Girl, which is awesome because Complicated Girl is awesome and you know what? The lyrics fit darn nicely.

Posted at 7:28 PM

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Patterns starting to unwind

And you know you're alone

A couple of things on my mind now.

1) Community singing
We are so screwed for this. Like, really, majorly, SCREWED. We should do the slides/script tomorrow platoonmates, seriously. And yeah our secret weapons for community singing! It should be pretty cool cos you know 'in the spirit of celebration' hahah.

2) ORD
Need I elaborate? On the other hand, timing is FUN. But really, I'm not looking forward to it. This year seems to have passed really, really fast, even faster than last year, which is pretty much saying a lot. Also, we will be getting the stuff tomorrow. I hope I won't mope like last year. I hope I won't cry during ORD cos. Well. You know what I mean. It's been like one year gone so quickly! Next year it will be us taking over and that, will be sad. I guess the year seems to pass so fast cos I spend my time thinking about the past. And then before I get the chance to start appreciating this year, it's already gone so quickly. I can't rewind it.

3) Orienteering
This majorly sucks for me. I know, I know, it's meant to be some sort of honour, and means I'm good enough to be chosen, but I am really freaked. I don't think I can do this. I'm seriously scared that I will 连累 my team and that will really suck. Not only can I not help them I also have to pull them down some more. ): I really hope I can do it though. REVISE REVISE REVISE like mad.

4) No content AAR, plus Ms Ha resigning
Well, this isn't really part of the 'life sucks' bit so yeah. It's more like. Ugh.

5) WHAT TO CHANGE MY BLOGSKIN?

6) Basically everything else in my life that isn't already mentioned.
Exams, PTs, SIP, EVERYTHING. My life is screwed. And also subject combi cos I can't decide whether to take tripscience geog or tripscience areastudies. I have no idea which is more interesting, like the curriculum and everything. If only geog was purely physical geog then I wouldn't have any problem deciding right._.

Okay rant end.

Today English crime fic paper, I have a suspicious feeling I'll get like 10/30 for it. Also, tomorrow's Lit/Chinese, both of which I'm terrible at. So no big deal right?

Also, today we did music and dance during Aesthetics, which I'm really glad that NCC Day was still A&D not M&D. And omg I always noticed our dance teacher looks super like someone but then kaiyan just said she looks like jermaine, which she, uncannily, DOES. Which is like super freaky/funny cos we look at her face and then start laughing for no apparent reason!

And then M&D includes SINGING. Which I am fail at because I can't do high bits for hell. And also we are learning the mambo, which is like o_o cos I'm partnering with louise who says my hands are sweaty (and so are sihui's) but that's cos it's cold in the dance studio. And then cos we have like odd number so it end up like me and kerrui as the ladies and julia/huimin/louise as the gentlemen. Which is pretty funny cos I danced a couple of times with julia and then we suddenly decided to increase speed to like double and it was super fun! And also it's supposed to be huimin leading me for the arm movements thing and then becomes I lead her ahaha. And also, louise keeps on commenting that my arms are super stiff like hey not my fault okayyy. Side effect of locking arms so often. Anyway it was relatively fun. Relatively being the key word.

I have finished reading "The Hot Zone" by Richard Preston and it is a cool book (or should I say HOT?) cos it's about filoviruses, namely Marburg and the three strains of Ebola. It is pretty interesting, and although graphic and supposedly disturbing enough to make you puke (I didn't). Another couple of books I'm reading are Evolution - The First Four Billion Years, which has pretty interesting theories, Krakatoa by Simon Winchester which is about the 1883 explosion of Krakatoa and some parts being about physical geog, Zeno's Paradox, which is some physics ideology about how motion is impossible, if spacetime were either divisible or indivisible, basically about how it is just not possible, and this other book by Richard Preston about I can't remember which pathogen. And I'm also rereading my Psychology book (you know the enormous one).

Coming back to CCA! Apparently our PS next year will be huixian and APS will be jermaine. So it's like our PSes and APSes are all from either Waddle or Buckle! Which is pretty amusing to think of, yeah. But then it'll be ORD soon I'm really upset with myself for some reason (hey acknowledging that I've wasted this year doesn't mean I'm gonna forget the last) which even I don't know! I guess it's cos of the fact that I haven't been putting much effort into my work at all, which is just a bad work attitude and everything and the fact that this year is extremely crucial just makes me feel like an idiot. Which I am. Also, I am like extremely screwed up in CCA matters don't ask.

Posted at 9:40 PM

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

In a finer state of grace

My head's in a whirl.

OHYEAH during dinner I was having this conversation with my father!

Him: 你还不吃想做神仙啊！
Me: 谁不想做神仙！
Him: 神仙是吃香烟而已，你喜欢吃是不是？
Me: 就是喜欢！你又怎么知道？

Hahah my father is so amusing.

I think I shall edit my blogskin so the lyrics are different!
And now I need to think which songs I should base it on hah.

As a side note, we are so super dead cos of community singing yeah? And one of the rehearsal days (29th July) clashes with InfoComm and our mother tongue week thing. Which just sucks.

Posted at 7:48 PM

Monday, July 12, 2010

Writing the lines as they come to me

Scratching them out almost immediately
Don't know what it's done to me.
Well it's cold, it's wet and it's been raining all night
And there's a letter I've been trying to write
Something better waiting somewhere for me
One of them is sitting on the wrong coast
One awaits an answer by return post
Waiting, waiting

I am annoyed.
Gah. I want to slap someone. Preferably Shasha. She laughed at me._. In front of Sophia, if I may add. So basically I just death-glared her (okay, not much difference from what I do normally.).

Also, not only so we have to sing the bloody NDP2010 song during National Day celebrations (which means skipping InfoComm on the 29th and that's when they're teaching the software thing I think -- I'm gonna die) we also need to TEACH THE BLOODY SCHOOL NEXT FRIDAY. I want to murder someone, maybe Nadra? :/

I do not want to sing a song for singapore.

Okay actually I have a lot to elaborate on, but because my keyboard is screwed (and I can't be bothered to type with a SCREWED KEYBOARD) I shall just give basic details, non?

Rant end.

On another side note, HOW CAN THEY PASS OFF 'UNDER A CLOUD' AS A NEW SONG WHEN IT WAS FROM THE 1987 SONGWRITING SESSIONS?!
Also, I WANT TO SLAP SOMEONE. ANYONE. Nowadays I get so annoyed by 'Eternal Flame' unless I'm playing it on guitar cos Sue's voice gets really annoying after a while yknow? I'll stick with Mick/Deb/Vick, thankyou very much. Also, the only Sue songs which I can stand (which are not singles) are 'Waiting For You' and 'I'll Set You Free'.

Posted at 9:31 PM

Saturday, July 10, 2010

We start out walking and learn to run

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8BT43ZWSTY

OMG SO EPIC. In the end junior runs away with no other than yum-yum! Which is actually quite disturbing. And also the fact that in junior pacman blinky is STALKING them from the second and third intermission.

http://www.destructoid.com/blinky-inky-pinky-and-clyde-a-small-onomastic-study-108669.phtml
And this site is also awesome! CLYDE IS COOL :D okay I don't know why but INKY IS COOL TOO lalala.

THEY HAVE BLINKY PINKY INKY CLYDE HATS AND NEON LAMPS I REALLY WANT ONE.

Bloody hell Inky is so cute in this one.

Posted at 5:49 PM

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Somewhere suffering is like

But if we can live in the
Soul, will we die?
- Bird Of Prey, Crash Wisdom (2 June 1994)

YEAH. :D

InfoComm batch meeting number1!
We discussed a bunch of things, as well as playing 'I have (ever)' later. Among the bunch of things that we discussed is that Yilei knows the sec ones think [what was our codename again?] is strange, and rightfully so. Then we got into this discussion about how Yen Siang writes MA rated fiction, which is like o_o.

And then I have (ever) was just. Downright disturbing.

I really want you to see but no, you just can't accept it, you call me a liar and a fool. And I know that what's really wrong is not me, but you.

Posted at 9:02 PM

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Well, I got down on my knees

I have finally got around to publishing it! Never mind, I already have a good story outline. I hope it won't end there, just like... never mind.

Bird of Prey is up on youtube, thanks to mariandelochs!

Posted at 5:41 PM

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I went for a walk on a winter's day

BAHHHHH
I am still annoyed by that traffic jam. (Two bloody hours and YES I do know it was yesterday but so what?)

Posted at 10:08 PM