Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Look at yourself, it does no good to cry
I love how the title will totally be related to (though not in in the exact same way) the post.
This morning, I went to class pretty early, so I popped into 210 to find Vivian to ask about yesterday cos she comes to school pretty early too. So then she came over and told me about how they talked about, quote xiaoyun, 'platoon dynamics'. Then she told me that they talked about people when they were not there. It was really sad. As in, I felt really, really bad. And then a bunch of other platoonmates (Melissa, Dean Gee, Kai Yan, Phyllis, Wei Qi) came to talk about it too and I was pretty much shocked. Then Kai Yan and I had this mass break down session and I swear I've never felt so bad before. Well, now it's all released and everything and I'm not going to care anymore. I don't know you.
I mean, I don't expect my platoonmates to be perfect, and everything, but really. Fine, I'm telling you now. I expect you guys to be better than this. If you guys had the guts to talk about us, as a whole, to the seniors behind our backs, and act as if nothing had happened the next day, then I don't want to say that I know you guys. Even Kai Yan and Xiao Yun, who I've known for one and a half years, which is at the very least the same amount of time that you know me, defended me, which is saying a lot more than you guys saying on the surface that you want to change everything and be a bonded platoon, but you doing that is just crap.
If you were to ask me, platoon spirit is not just doing idiotic stuff together and laughing at the same lame jokes and eating lunch together and going for all the outings, which, as you know, are all organized by the same group of people. It's about trusting your platoonmates and caring for them. This, as shown when you didn't even bother to tell me what you were saying about me, proves my point that you don't trust me at all. Sure, if you were to tell me, I'll be annoyed and everything, but I'll get over it soon enough. This is going to stay with me forever and it's more hurting than if you were to tell me straight. Care and concern? Tell me how this is care and concern? Even the people who you guys labelled as the ones who didn't care about the CCA bothered to come and ask me if everything was alright, if I was feeling better. They're better than you guys.
Well, I'm not going to cry anymore. If you don't treasure this friendship, I'm not going to either. So there.
[edit: I'm sorry, I know you guys really care. But I just feel really, really bad and I need to get it all out of my system.]
To all those people who tried to help:
I'm sorry. I've really been in a snappish mood lately. Don't take it to heart, okay? And thanks to you guys who helped to comfort me this morning, even though you really didn't have to hug me. But I really appreciated it anyway. And going around class asking if Kai Yan and I were okay, even though we grouched at you. It's times like these that I'm really glad you guys are my friends.
Thank you. (Even though you guys hugged me and I was kind of traumatized.)
Posted at 5:07 PM
