Friday, August 20, 2010
"Six days does not a week make"
I am extremely,
extremely, annoyed.
I feel like this entire thing was caused and started by me. And everyone is telling me that no it isn't but I know that it is, so. And yeah, you probably know what I'm talking about, kaiyan. And yes, I'm tired. Not that kind of tired, lethargic tired. It's another kind. It's being tired of seeing all this and no being able to do anything. And telling or sharing it with people doesn't help because they don't feel the same way I do. No one's ever going to see this the way I do.
It feels like everything is fine, but straining. And then one little cut caused by myself just broke it all down, and one by one it just gets worse. Even things that are seemingly unrelated to each other are affected. It's torn down everything. That strain put on the net of trust is just too much. Then when it gives way, everything does. It feels like everything's spiraling out of control and you can't stop it and when you try to wedge it up the wedge just gets caught in the flow and it gets more and more and more and you'll never get away.
I'm not going to cry. It's
being strong, you know? I think no one actually gets it but I'll just try to explain it anyhow. It's sort of like, just because you cry, doesn't mean you care. And just because I don't cry, means I don't care. I try my best to control it because I don't want to make things worse. I want to be able to stand up to and take things
seriously. And that means being able to control myself. It's just another measure of self-control, and it's effective when everything else isn't. It's helping to keep my sanity in check, anyway.
I want to laugh at myself.
Posted at 6:58 PM
