Saturday, July 31, 2010
Now drive me far away, away, away
I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be associated with you guys. I am annoyed at us.
Seriously, AB4, pull your socks up. Did you even think that maybe we're not doing as well as you guys want us to think and they're just trying to help people like you see that? I want to know what you're thinking. Correct that, I don't think I even want to know. I don't want to know what you guys are thinking. That is, everyone in general. Sometimes I think you guys really aren't taking things seriously. I really shouldn't be feeling like this, but sometimes I really don't want to be associated with you guys. I mean, ever since this year, I've felt more separated from the rest. I thought it was pretty obvious, so I tried to hide it. I could tell I was failing miserably. Couldn't you tell, at least? I don't want to say this out loud. Did you ever consider how we, the rest of us, felt? Did you for once stop and think that maybe what you think isn't what the rest of the platoon thinks? Did you for once do and clear up your own work? Your own initiatives? I'm not addressing this to anyone specifically but everytime we have platoon stuff this is just what runs through my head. I know maybe it seems that everyone's just looking down on us but maybe that's not true. If all this isn't going to change then I'm really going to brush my hands off this matter. If it's only a few people holding the string together then what's the point in having a platoon? If you guys think that your 'cliques' are very 'open' then I'm sorry to tell you that, as an 'individual', no, I don't think so. But honestly, can you tell us why you just had to do that?
I hope you don't feel offended saying this, but I think you guys are just acting idiotically. Platoon spirit =/= doing every single retarded thing together. I accept the fact that if we want to be a bonded platoon we have to be all together, but doing immature, foolish things together may not exactly be the best thing. Also, everytime I try to add in my part you shrug it off and say it doesn't matter. Only your input does. Well, I'm just trying to give my opinion. Fine, it's just an opinion. When you get into trouble because of it, though, you cause us all to fall. Did you ever think that maybe you're not the best person to do this? If you're going to be doing the same thing all the time, then I apologize for saying this but I'm ashamed and don't want to be associated with you. I don't want to be known as your platoonmate. I don't want to be called who-and-who-and-who-and-who-and-who et cetera's platoonmate. I'm just saying this, but I'm not proud of having known you guys at all. Just because you didn't want to do a good job at first, leaves us to try to help you change it. Then you won't let us. Then we get scolded because for a 'platoon effort', it's bad. Sue me if I'm just trying to make you see that maybe your opinion isn't majority. Or if it is, it may not be the best.
I think yesterday was bad. I wanted to just break down and scream and tell everyone that it's NOT ALRIGHT AND CAN'T THEY JUST SEE IT FROM OUR POINT OF VIEW. I felt so embarrassed for them. It's like, they don't even know. They don't even know how some of us feel. I would like to say that our platoon is amazingly close and everything. Operative words, 'would like to'. So it's like, smile! If they nothing to say, then pretend that there's nothing to say too! It's killing me inside. I've started to accept this since the start of this entire crap thing. Also, I just reread all my journals and diaries. I realized that I've known it would turn out this way a long time ago, only that I kept on denying it. I realized that so many little things have happened that showed me how all these things would end up. I feel disgusted at myself. I should have known better. Even after all we've been through together, we're still... separate. It's not that I expect everyone to be exactly the same, everyone to be exactly good friends with each other, but I think that an effort should at least be made. I don't think you guys are making that effort. If you guys are still thinking that after all our platoon has been through, which is a whole lot, and we're not bonded, it means that what you're trying to get us to do in order to be 'bonded' isn't working, obviously.
This is ridiculously stupid. You're just... taking us when you need us and when your 'friends' come along you just dump us. Well, I'd like you to know that friendship is a two way thing. I'm sorry that you don't realize that you do need to spend time in order to keep this relationship going. I know there're people you'd rather spend your time with. Can you at least tell me if you want to keep this friendship? If you don't, then I won't bother anymore. It's like, you just expect us to be there when you need us. We're secondary. Fine, have it that way. I don't really care much anymore. The thing is, you don't even treat us as secondary. We're invisible. You can just dismiss us with one sentence and call us back when you need us. When we need you, you ignore us. This is getting a little personal, so yeah.
I want to just lie down and wash my hands off all this and die. Sometimes I'm not glad that I'm alive. I want to be free.
Well, forgive me if this post comes off as really pissed off but that's just how I'm feeling now so live with it.
Labels: CCA
Posted at 10:28 PM
